Teen’s counsellor and therapist, Mrs Hellen Oladele, talks with AJIBADE OMAPE about the issues of drug abuse, identity crisis, rape, and cultism among Nigerian teens and youths, as well as possible solutions to some of the problems caused by dysfunctional families.
What are some of the biggest mental and emotional struggles you see in teenagers today?
One of the major challenges teenagers face is ignorant parenting or a dysfunctional family. Parents often don’t know what to do—they love their children and mean well, but love and good intentions aren’t enough without the necessary skills.
The number one issue is dysfunctional parenting, where there may be domestic violence or parents who lack understanding and empathy.
Secondly, peer pressure is a big factor. No one wants to be the odd one out; everyone wants a sense of belonging. When teens come from families without strong value systems, they are easily influenced by what they see outside. At this volatile stage, they often struggle with identity and are trying to find their place in society.
When they connect with their peers, they feel understood. Because of that, they bend over backward just to belong to a group—whether good or bad—without thinking about the consequences. As long as they can see immediate gratification, that’s enough for them.
Another major factor is societal influence. We idolize money, fame, and celebrities. Teenagers want to be seen and heard at all costs. They engage in gambling—even those from wealthy homes feel the need to hustle. They go into online dating, catfishing, dating adults as teenagers, and scamming people—just for status and bragging rights.
Sexual issues are also very prevalent. Teens are exposed to inappropriate content early on due to social media. I counsel preteens who already have ex-boyfriends and girlfriends. The issue of sexuality is serious—14-year-old girls are on contraceptives, and boys bring condoms to school to engage in sexual activities in restrooms or deserted classrooms.
Pornography and masturbation are damaging their mental health. Almost all who struggle with pornography were introduced to it through smartphones. They’re deeply involved in it, along with homosexuality, and sadly, many parents live in denial.
With the rise of social media influence, how can parents and guardians protect their children from harmful online content while encouraging self-expression?
First, before giving your child a smartphone, you need to understand why they need it. When the purpose is unknown, abuse is inevitable.
Ask yourself—do they need a smartphone or just a phone for communication? Then, educate them on the pros and cons of the online space.
We’ve seen cases of sextortion, catfishing, cyberbullying, and more. Social media intelligence is essential. Parents must be informed and proactive about online education.
What are the most common misconceptions teenagers have about success, purpose, or relationships, and where do they come from?
One misconception is the lack of drive that stems from their environment. Schools focus on academics, not purpose or passion. I work with teenagers who want to pursue the arts, but their parents insist they must become doctors. There’s a lack of conversation around discovering one’s purpose.
Today, success to teens means having money, TikTok followers, and online popularity. They think you’re successful if you live large, party, drink, and show off on social media.
When it comes to relationships, they equate them with sex. Even though many aren’t thinking about marriage, they believe they don’t need to marry—just to live free. This belief is shaped by what they see around them: people becoming baby daddies or mamas and still getting celebrated.
Drug use has become endemic among teens and youths. What could be the cause of drug reliance among our young ones?
It starts with a dysfunctional family system and the lack of positive values. When parents display double standards, it sends mixed signals.
Peer pressure plays a huge role. I’ve seen cases where teen girls got drunk in school because a classmate brought alcohol and encouraged them to try it. They had never drunk before but gave in out of curiosity and the desire to belong.
Teenagers aren’t always trying to be bad; many are just curious. Society and media glorify celebrities who use drugs, so teens think it’s okay or even cool.
Some turn to drugs as an escape from family problems, but for most, it’s peer pressure. Parents must explain the negative consequences of drug use early. They must model the behavior they expect—don’t drink and then tell your child not to drink.
There have been increased cases of fathers defiling their young daughters. What could be the root cause of this menace?
As a girl child myself, I cannot comprehend any reason a father would do such a thing—except perhaps if he’s possessed.
There are countless women out there—why your daughter? I had a disturbing experience with my uncle, not my father, and it affected me for a long time.
I believe such fathers are mentally unwell. I honestly cannot wrap my head around it.
How can children be more encouraged to talk about sexual abuse cases?
It goes back to parenting. The way you present yourself determines whether your child feels safe enough to talk to you.
Over 90% of teenagers don’t disclose sexual abuse to their parents. I was sexually abused four times at different stages of my life and didn’t tell my parents despite knowing they loved me.
Looking back, I think children stay silent because there’s no open conversation about sex at home. In many families, sex is a taboo topic. Parents must start having age-appropriate conversations about sexuality early, so children feel safe opening up.
If this discussion has never happened, a child will feel too awkward to talk about abuse. That was my experience.
Growing up, all we were told was: “If a man touches you, you’ll get pregnant.”
It was a confusing message.
The conversation about sexuality must be ongoing. Children need to know they can speak up without fear of blame, shame, or criticism.
Cultism has become a refuge for teenagers and youths struggling with an inferiority complex. How can parents raise more confident children?
There are many identity-related issues. Parents must understand the unique personality of each child. What works for one child may not work for another.
In this part of the world, we often confuse discipline with punishment. Discipline means to teach. Unfortunately, we scold teenagers in front of their peers, which damages their self-esteem.
Teenagers want to be seen and heard. When they’re not, they feel invisible at home and look elsewhere for validation.
I worked with a bisexual teenager whose mother called her a tomboy, and that label pushed her into same-sex relationships. Despite therapy, she keeps reverting because her mother continues with the same damaging words.
How we speak, act, and relate to our children matters greatly. They read meaning into everything, and it shapes their self-worth.
